Australia's first female Prime Minister

My thoughts on Australia's first Female Prime Minister and what happened to Kevin Rudd: I think Kevin Rudd has a few too many broken promises that left everyone wondering if they could trust him any more. He was not meeting basic needs for safety and also esteem as he yelled, ranted and raved at his party, his staff, a...nd anyone else who was around when he lost his temper (appears that was happening a bit of late), and loads of unmet expectations. Julia Gillard, on the other hand, was careful what she promised (although she did make a big one about being out of debt by 2013), and she managed expectations by clearly saying there will be times when we love her, and there will be times when she disappoints us. So far, so good. I think it's about time we had a shot at a woman at the top. Fingers crossed she'll maintain the qualities of a trustworthy person, continue to manage expectations, meet needs and keep her promises. I think she can do it.

Why Marriages Fail

As this month our members explore the 7 truths about trust every couple needs to know, I was digging around looking through research as to what makes marriages work and what makes them fail. Whilst the model for trust shows you what will work and what will break down YOUR marriage or relationship, I wanted to know what the researchers and marriage experts were saying.

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers published a paper called 'Making marriages last', which I found on www.divorceform.org, and the top reasons for failure they reported were these:

1. poor communication
2. financial difficulties
3. lack of commitment
4. dramatic change in priorities
5. infidelity

They also talked about:

6. failed expectations and unmet needs
7. addictions
8. physical, sexual and emotional abuse
9. lack of conflict resolution

Probably no surprises there, really, but the bigger question is how do we resolve this? Australia has the 6th highest divorce rate in the world on a number of searches I conducted, most recent stats say that 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce in Australia. The USA and Sweden seem to share the top of the list with over 50% of marriages ending in divorce.

Interestingly, and matching what entente has found around how much women value trust, women file more divorce applications in Australia than men. We know that women care more about trust, and only 1 in 10 will deal with someone they like but do not trust.

The biggest issue as I see it is this: we do not understand the power and fragility of trust in our relationships, and how that trust dynamic really works. This is the secret that we unlock for people.

The problem with poor communication for example (and we see this exact same problem in business), is not the amount of communication but the structure and content of it. When you understand the dynamics of Expectations, Needs and Promises and where trust sits with that, the framework is set for communication that really works.

If you truly want your marriage or relationship to work, if you are struggling right now and things are not working the way you hoped they would, think about this:

1. what were you each Expecting from each other?
2. what do you Expect now?
3. what did you each Need from each other?
4 what do you each Need now?
5. what did you each Promise each other?
6. what are you prepared to Promise each other now?

This is the start point to begin to understand the trust dynamics in your relationship and to set a framework to communicate.

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Want to know more about how to give your relationship the boost it deserves?

Come to entente's 2 day workshop in Sydney on 26th and 27th May.

Email April at admin@entente.com.au for further details.

Calling all successful businesswomen who just can't get relationships right

You know who you are. You climbed the corporate ladder. You are the envy of your friends because you've made it in your career. You might have even taken the plunge and gone out on your own. Business has it's challenges but you've done it.


The problem - your personal life sucks! You go in and out of relationships. Mr Right very quickly turns out to be Mr Soooo Wrong! You seem to attract idiots and sleezebags. You just don't get it. How
can one part of your life be so great and the other so crap???


You need to understand the dynamics of your ENPs. What is actually going on is revealed when you realise your negative Expectations, your Needs and the Promises they make to you are all at play here. When you get this, you can become as successful in your relationships as you are in your career.


Now that's worth aspiring to. Are you up for the challenge?


Vanessa Hall



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The truth about trust workshop in Sydney 14 - 16 May for women in business who want to learn how to trust themselves more, want much better relationships, want to learn how to make better decisions about relationships, and want better results, retention and relationships in their business. This is for you! Call April on 02 8889 0888 or email at admin@entente.com.au to reserve your place.

A courageous man

Sigma CEO, Elmo de Alwis, resigned because he wanted to take responsibility for 'not doing what we said we would do'. He reported to Khia Mercer and Nabila Ahmed of the Australian Financial Review on Friday 16th April "The thing about leadership is that you have to take responsibility, you can't pass it on to somebody else".

What a refreshing change to the complete lack of trusted leadership we have seen over the last 2 years. Although Sigma has been experiencing issues and there have been changes in industry conditions and pharmaceutical benefits scheme reform, this CEO was prepared to fall on his sword to allow a 'fresh set of eyes' in the leadership of the company.

Being truly trustworthy is not for the weak or fainthearted, it takes guts, but what I love is that he recognised that there must be a consequence to breaking down the trust of others. The ultimate consequence was him stepping down.

Are you prepared to do what it takes to be a trustworthy leader?

Complaints when trust breaks down

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/02/12/2817499.htm?section=justin

One of the interesting things I observe is the flow on effects of a breakdown of trust. I’ve spoken about this domino effect previously.

I was reflecting on this as I read Kristina Keneally’s comments in response to the Independent Commission against Corruption investigation into allegations against MP Ms Paluzzano.

When someone lodges a complaint against someone else, in any kind of format, whether as a customer, as an employee, as a constituent, as a tenant, whatever position they are in, that complaint is a direct response to a breakdown of trust. Something they Expected or Needed, and/or something that was Promised to them has not happened. Especially when Promises made have been explicitly stated, most of us say something, we complain, we jump up and down. We are ‘not happy Jan!’ This is a natural response.

However, if that breakdown of trust was significant, if it cut to core Needs, then the noises that we make can often be loud and clear. We want everyone to know that we are hurting and that something should be done about it.

How those complaints and noises are responded to requires careful consideration. Emotions are running high. People are angry. But the full story needs to be uncovered – is the issue being reported and complained about the actual issue, or is there something else going on here that has caused that breakdown of trust.

I agree with Premier Keneally. Investigations need to continue to ensure the validity of the accusations. But any hint of them being true requires swift action in order to maintain trust in the system, and for the Premier to maintain the trust that has been given to her. And that goes for anyone dealing with ay kind of issue. Be careful in your investigations, but if there is a real problem there, deal with it quickly or you lose the trust others have in you faster than you can blink.