Why did I marry you?

We’ve all been there. It’s that time when you are sitting across the table from your husband and he’s chewing loudly, a bit of dinner sitting in the corner of his mouth, elbows on the table and his sleeve rubbing in the mashed potato on his plate and you’re thinking ‘Please, please remind me – why did I marry you?’

It’s when your wife comes home from shopping and sneakily runs to the bedroom with a handful of bags which she then feebly attempts to hide under the bed, and it was only yesterday that you’d had the discussion about tightening the belt. Things were getting tough and the random spending had to cut back, a lot. She agreed that, yes, she really did have enough shoes, and yet you know that at least one of those bags she’s just shoved under the bed held the world’s best bargain pair of shoes, according to her. You sit down on the bed, head in your hands, and ask yourself ‘Why did I marry her?’

I just love all the stories that come up as people share the challenges in their marriages, and despite the fact that, at the time when things are tough, when you’re not sure you can make it through and you feel you are the only couple going through this, I can tell you that you are not as unique as you think you are. That’s a good thing. There is a pattern that exists in relationships, and the great news is that, when you understand what is actually happening, it is empowering and you can pull yourself through those times much quicker, with much more understanding and compassion, and with a lot less conflict and stress.

So, what’s really going on here? The first thing is to understand what is causing the frustration. Every time there is frustration and stress in any relationship it ultimately comes down to thee core things:

Social Sector begins talking about building trust

The 3rd of May was the International Day of Trust. It’s something that I decided to start. The organisation which I run – entente and the entente foundation – now have as their goals building and restoring trust. This year, in London, Las Vegas, Jamaica, Johannesburg and Sydney, we started a global conversation. Here’s what we heard:

• We need more trust in our world. 
• It is going to take a long time.
• It’s a grassroots movement 
• It requires our leaders to change and set an example.
• A world built on trust would be a world of prosperity, productivity, without violence or war, without abuse, where people cared about each other and there was peace.
  

As I have begun focusing on building and restoring trust I have been surprised by a number of things among hundreds of people I have spoken to:

• that everyone agreed that trust was critical to their business, family, marriage, community, society;
• that less than 5% said they did anything to build and maintain that trust;
  

International Day of Trust - 3rd May

Wow. What an amazing journey this has been, preparing for the International Day of Trust, the 3rd of May. A huge thank you to all the people who have participated in preparing the world's first t12 dialogue on trust groups, who have been out filming on the streets around the world, who have shared their thoughts with all of us, and to all of you who now choose to be a part of this special day.

A big, big thank you to my son, Lachlan, whose timely Mothers Day message to me 6 years ago planted a seed that continues to grow and is now reaching people in 6 continents. We share the celebration of the International Day of Trust with Lachlan's birthday, in honour of the awareness he raised in me. Happy 16th Birthday, Lachy!

The theme for this year - Imagine a world built on trust, sadly pre-supposes that we don't currently have that, but that it is a possibility. It is on that possibility, and on the vision for a world in which we learn to trust our purpose here, to trust ourselves, to be trustworthy and to build trust with those around us, that we have worked around the clock to share these gifts with you.

Enjoy!

Vanessa and the entente team

Australia

 

 

 

t12 - dialogue on trust groups

We have 2 groups of 12 leaders meeting in Sydney:

t12 education - hosted by Dr. Ted Boyce and Pacific Hills Christian School

t12 social sector - hosted by Prof. Peter Shergold and the Centre for Social Impact

Information about attendees and the outcome will be available on our t12 - dialogue on trust webpage a few days after the event.

Out on the streets

April Hasselmann from entente headed out with filmmaker Chris Hobart and asked people out on the streets of Sydney's inner west what they thought about trust. Click here to view the responses they received.

Expert's videos, interviews and blogs

David Penglase, creator of Sales Coach Central and Ari Galper, creator of Unlock the Game on the role of Trust in Sales.

Mandy Holloway, author of 'Inspiring Courageous Leaders' and Keith Ayers author of 'Engagement is not enough' on Trust in Leadership.

Fiona Pearman, co-author of 'The Truth about Trust in Business' on Trust in Branding.

Promises being made and then broken

I found the below article interesting and thought I would share it with you. It's global - It really doesn't matter where you are in the world, no-one likes it when promises are made and then broken. It's a tough one to stay on top of, though!

Promises are made and fools are happy

“Sliby chyby” – is a popular Czech saying made up of two words promises –mistakes. In other words, it is unwise to make rash promises or as Czechs say “slibovat hory doly” – to promise mountains and valleys. You can also promise to deliver the skies with the phrase “snést někomu modré z nebe” meaning that you will bring the blue colour of the sky down to earth for someone. A mistake to make the promise, and an even bigger one to take it seriously. 

Someone who makes a habit of making rash promises – and never keeping them – is often labeled a “slibotechna” – which is something like a workshop for promises. Many a politician has been called a “slibotechna” by the press with remarks such as “nikdo vám nedá tolik, kolik my vám slíbíme” - nobody will give you half as much as we will promise you. Another phrase you will come across quite often is “slíbil mnoho, ale skutek utek” meaning - he talked the talk, but didn’t not walk the walk – or as some say –he was all mouth but no trousers.

If you have been fooled by someone’s promise – you can say “naletěl jsem” meaning I fell for it although the literal translation would be I flew for it. Do it too often and Czechs will tell you “sliby se slibují, blázni se radují” meaning promises are made and fools are happy. 

Finally, the expression “sliby-chyby” is the closest you can get to the English “promises, promises” so if you doubt someone’s promise of mountains and valleys or the blue sky –the proper response is “sliby-chyby”. 

This is Daniela Lazarová saying thanks for learning Czech with me and na shledanou! 

For all the women in leadership - Why women are trusted more than men, and how to use trust to our advantage!

In a recent survey by Management Today and the Institute of Leadership and Management, female CEOs were found to be more trusted than their male counterparts. In a number of sales training sessions I’ve attended over the years, women have been lauded as more trustworthy sales people than their male colleagues.

At the same time, women are more sensitive to trust and mistrust. In a survey I conducted through an independent researcher we found that only 1 in 20 women will deal with someone they like but do not trust, as opposed to 1 out of 5 men.

So what does this all mean for women in leadership?

We know that people follow trusted leaders. People buy from people they trust. We stay in relationships with partners we trust. Destroy that trust or abuse it in any way, and we no longer follow, we no longer buy, we no longer stay in that relationship. And women often bail more quickly than men.

What female leaders seem to have to their advantage is a much more intuitive response to trust and an openness to change. There are certainly exceptions but in my experience, women understand how important trust is, are prepared to do what it takes to build that trust, and are far more careful to ensure it isn’t broken.

We know that when trust is actively built across an organization, there is a direct return on what I call the 3 Rs of Trust – Results, Retention and Relationships. In fact, global consulting firm Towers Watson proved that companies that developed high levels of trust were able to generate shareholder returns 3 times that of companies with low levels of trust, a statistic we’ve also proven. Those improvements in returns are largely due to the improvement in relationships within the company, between managers and staff, between teams, as well as with customers and other stakeholders.