Workplace Bullying

Question (from EA to Chief of Police in a state in the US)

Isn't bullying something of the past? Is bullying just a social problem between kids in all levels of school? Have you, or someone you know, experienced bullying in the workplace? Thoughts?!

I don't trust myself as a leader

I’m actually surprised how many times leaders tell me this, and it’s more than a little scary!

How can you expect others to trust you and follow you, if you don’t trust yourself?

I hate you

Sadly, these were the only words one lady heard from her teenage son. Desperate for some help with her ‘problem child’ she came to a session I was running on the truth about trust in parenting.

The relationship with her son, she shared, had gradually declined, and now he spent no time with her and her husband, but was constantly shutting himself in his bedroom, and occasionally yelled out those words that no mother wants to hear, no parent, actually: ‘I hate you’.

As I unpacked the model for trust during the session, I could see she had a few ‘a-ha’ moments, but it was in the exercises that it all came to light.

As we explored what she thought her son’s Expectations are of her and her husband, she began to write them down, ‘Be home for dinner’, ‘Spend time helping him with his homework’, ‘Be around at home’, ‘Take an interest in him, his day, his friends’, were just a few of them.

Then we looked at what his underlying Needs might be, and the key ones were ‘Love and Belonging’, and ‘Esteem’.

Then crunch time came when I asked her to write down all the things she had promised him – the explicit promises (the ones she actually verbally expressed, or had even written down), and the implicit ones (the ones she didn’t actually say or write down, but were implied in her body language, her behaviour). Things like ‘I’ll be home for dinner’, ‘Of course I’ll help you with your homework’, and ‘I love you’, as she wrote them, became obvious to her that she was not keeping those promises.

Broken promises in politics and business

How many times do you pick up the newspaper, or read a headline or article berating government or business leaders for broken promises?

I can tell you, because I track these very headlines, that if not every day, it’s at least a few times a week. Why?

There are three ‘why?’ questions here:

1. Why does it keep being reported?
2. Why do political and business leaders keep breaking their promises?
3. Why does it upset us so much?

Let’s explore:

The Little Things

Just recently I was staying at the Hilton Hotel in Sandton, Johannesburg, South Africa. Lovely hotel, and the staff on the Executive floor always look after me.

On my first day there I noticed something on the dresser. I wasn't sure what it was a first, but as I picked it up, I realised it was a vase. A small vase that would take a few small flowers. Of course, there were no flowers in it, or I would have known what it was!

I figured that they had forgotten to put some flowers in it when they serviced the room, so expected they would do that the following day.

Well, you know what? That vase sat empty on the bathroom dresser the whole time I stayed there!

What's funny, though, is that I was disappointed every time I saw the empty vase! Not that it was a big deal, but simply that I expected flowers because the vase was there. It was an implicit promise.

In fact, had the vase not been there, I wouldn't have expected flowers at all and would not have been disappointed.

This is a simple example of how we make implicit promises and create expectations, only to disappoint others if they are not met.

Something to ponder.