Honesty Online

As my son, Lachlan, was tapping away in a Facebook chat with his girlfriend, I was thinking about how the internet, social media, emails, smsing, etc has changed the way we communicate, particularly from a trust point of view.

I know myself that, sometimes, it’s easier to write things down, type them, sms or email them than it is to say things directly to someone. My husband, Peter, sms’s me lovely things when I’m travelling that I don’t think he’s ever said to my face! J

There seems to be a freedom for honesty that is available online that we have lost, or maybe never really developed as a skill in our face to face relationships. This has its positives (the lovely sms’s while I’m away), and it’s negatives (the dreadful, rude comments that people feel free to make in blogs, on Facebook and YouTube).

Prenuptials or ENPs?

Yesterday I was reading an article about the rise of Prenuptial Agreements, particularly amongst those who were marrying for the second or subsequent time (once bitten twice shy!).

Although Peter and I also entered into a Prenuptial Agreement, more to ensure that his children could be comfortable knowing I was marrying him for love and nothing more, we also did something far more important than that – we entered into an ENP Agreement. 

ENPs® or Expectations, Needs and Promises, form the base foundation of trust. Understanding what we each expected of each other, what we needed from each other, and what we were prepared to promise each other was a critical part of our decision to marry or not.

The reality is, if Peter expected and needed things from me that I was not prepared to promise him, then the marriage would have failed, or certainly would have been extremely volatile and unhappy. Same goes the other way. 

We spent a couple of sessions, over cups of tea, over glasses of wine, talking through different expectations in different circumstances, the reason why some needs were more important than others, and so on. 

We then summarised these into our wedding vows – so instead of exchanging the traditional vows, we exchanged ‘ENPs®’, and then also exchanged ‘eggs’, in this case Jade painted eggs, as a representation of the trust we were placing in each other – trust that sat on a balance of those ENPs®. This is the base of the model for trust that we use in all kinds of relationships, that entente teaches and coaches. 

You can watch the video of our ENP exchange here.

I guess the thing that struck me when I was reading that article, was that if couples spent as much time planning what they wanted in and for their relationship as they do working out what they will get when it breaks down, how different might their marriage be?

You are traffic

I was driving one day in horrendous traffic, well, I was crawling, I should say, and was getting more and more frustrated at the snail's pace we were moving. 'I'm a busy lady. I have things to do, a meeting to get to. I hate traffic!', I was saying to myself while trying to find some quiet music to calm myself down.

Just then I saw it. Nailed to a wooden telegraph pole was a sign, in red lettering - 'You are traffic'. I thought about it, and smiled. 

Of course, to the person sitting in their car behind me I was just 'traffic'. I was part of the problem. 

When I talk to people in corporations about what can be done to build more trust internally, with customers, in their brand, in their leadership, a common response I hear is 'But we are ok, it's the 'whatever' department that needs this more than we do', or 'You should talk to the customer service team, not marketing or sales'.

I smile, and tell them 'You are traffic'. 

You can’t trust Real Estate Agents

I didn’t say that!

I was reading the GoodWeekend Magazine while watching the gentle waves roll in on the quiet beach at Terrigal on the Central Coast on NSW, about 2 hours from where I live, and saw the heading ‘Taking on Trust’ in an article by Jane Cadzow called ‘Realty Bites’.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that the word ‘trust’ jumps off the page at me (in fact, lots of people send me links to articles and reports on anything about trust that they stumble upon). So I read the article.

Bill Malouf, one of Australia’s most successful real estate agents, selling top end properties, mostly in Sydney’s eastern suburbs, says ‘Next to used-car salesmen, we’re right on the bottom rung. ...And we’re at that level because of the dishonesty, a lack of credibility, a lack of trust, a lack of information.’

Interesting that he sees things this way himself. I thought it was just those of us who have had shocking experiences with Real Estate Agents that found that.  Then, the last few surveys of 'Australia's Most Trusted Professions' by Readers Digest have found Real Estate Agents on the least trusted professions list, sitting at 42 out of 45 in 2011

I’ve reflected, in fact talked to a number of Real Estate Agents myself, to determine exactly what it is that leaves them sitting so low in the trustworthy ratings.  Here’s what I know:

Do you know your neighbour?

No, not those neighbours! In a world that increasingly sees us sitting inside in front of a computer, a TV or a Playstation, and no longer sitting outside watching kids play in the street, many countries are reporting a slide in communities and a common trend – ‘I don’t know my neighbours’.

In the USA, Jennifer Ferro, the GM of Santa Monica radio station KCRW, saw a man with a rifle walking down her street. She says:

That night, with my kids asleep, my husband out of town and my dogs quiet, I watched that shotgun and the man carrying it as he walked past all my neighbors’ homes. I realized I couldn’t warn them. I didn’t have everyone’s number anymore.

What has caused this decline? Why don’t we take the time to know our own neighbours anymore?