An Obituary printed in the London TimesToday

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;

- Why the early bird gets the worm;

- Life isn't always fair;

- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Mother's Promise to her Son

This still sits on my son, Lachlan's bedside table, framed and in pride of place where he can see it when he wakes up every morning (he put it there, not me!). I wrote this for him, framed it and gave it to him for his birthday about 7 years ago, and it is as true today as it was then.

A Mother's Promise to her Son

To my dearest Lachlan,

I promise I will:

Always be honest with you
Protect you from harm when I can
Give you freedom to learn and grow
Listen to your dreams with interest
Listen to your fears with concern
Hold you when you are sad
Laugh with you when you are happy
Share with you my experiences and lessons
Expose you to many wonders of this world
Teach you humility and compassion
Encourage you to be confident and love yourelf
Help you understand what you don't
Rejoice with you when you do
Watch you grow into a wonderful man
Always love you!

Truth or trust and Tom Cruise's new film

"Knight & Day" will follow Tom Cruise's Milner, a secret agent who goes on a blind date with unlucky-in-love Cameron Diaz's June. Trapped in a journey to protect a powerful battery that holds the key to an infinite power source, they become fugitives and they must figure out whether to be guided by truth or trust. Directed by James Mangold, the action comedy movie is scheduled to be released on July 2, 2010. (Full story here)

I read this on one of my many Google alerts on truth and trust and thought this was interesting. What is suggested in the wording here is that there is a difference between truth and trust. In fact, they could be assumed here to be opposites.

Truth is as it suggests. We all want it, but sometimes it's confronting and it can hurt. Hiding from it is cowardice, and it gets you in the end!

Trust, on the other hand, from what I've found in the many times I talk with people about trust, is that it is often perceived as something you just do, blindly, with hope that all will be OK. That's what I call 'Blind Trust', but there is a better way to trust. Too many people blindly trust and don't take the time and take care to determine who and what to trust and when.

Blind trust most often leads to disappointment. Informed trust, brought about by understanding, is far less likely to cause the same level of disappointment and pain.

So, rather than deciding whether to choose truth or trust, choose both!

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How to break down the trust of your customers quickly and easily

It would have been funny, if it wasn’t so sad. Rome airport, in desperate need for a cup of tea (Earl Grey, of course). Right next to our departure gate was a Chef Express, with some tables and chairs. The sign outside was clear – table service only. No takeaway. ‘That’s fine,’ I thought. I don’t want to wait in the queue anyway.

We sat down at the table. One young girl was rushing around looking flustered. ‘Table service only’ she said. ‘Yes please, can we have a menu.’ She practically threw the menus on the table. The lady at the table next to us glanced over and raised one eyebrow and gave us a half smile. She looked like she knew something we didn’t know.

We sat and waited for the young girl to come back to take our order. She flitted around the tables, wiping one, stacking some plates on the sideboard, mumbling to herself. Eventually she came over and we placed our order. She rushed off. It certainly was Chef Express from that perspective.

The lady next to us caught the girl’s attention and asked for her bill. She huffed and disappeared again, reappearing in a flurry and dropping the bill on the table. Our tea came, without milk. My husband Peter got her attention as she was rushing off. ‘Excuse me. Could I have some milk please?’ She gave him the death stare, flicked her hair and marched back into the kitchen.

The lady at the table next to us laughed. In broken English with a beautiful French accent said ‘I wouldn’t wait if I were you. She took 10 minutes to being me some sugar!’

Peter really wanted some milk, so each time the girl came past, he waved to her and pointed to his tea ‘Milk please?’ He said each time. She completely ignored him, coming back to other tables with their drinks and disappearing again. Peter drank his tea black.

A few people attempted to sit at the tables with their takeaway, only to be shooed away by the dragon lady. We watched with mild amusement as she continued rushing about, mumbling to herself, clearly not enjoying her job.

The lady next to us handed the girl her bill with a 5 Euro note, and waited for her change. No sign of the girl returning. In a rush back to scare off some more customers, the lady got her attention and asked for her change. At that point the girl almost screamed at the lady in Italian and marched off again.

The lady looked at us and said, with that lovely accent ‘She does not want to give me my change. She thinks I should give her a tip. Huh!’

The girl came back and slammed down a rather large pile of 1 cent pieces and said ‘Here is your change! It was hardly a decent tip anyway!’

OMG! Did she really think anyone would give her a tip when she was behaving so badly? Did she have any idea how uncomfortable and awful an experience her customers were having because of her behavior?

One of the biggest challenges for business is to recognize that one person in your organization can completely ruin your efforts to market and build trust with your customer base. Every person in your business needs to be actively building trust with your customers, not destroying it.

A cry for help from a young girl

She was so cute. Maybe 7 or 8 years old. She was sitting next to my husband, Peter, as we flew from Frankfurt to Moscow recently. At the suggestion of her mother, sitting across the isle, she asked Peter if he would play a game with her. They played a few rounds of hangman. I think she won!

Peter asked her what they were doing in Moscow and she said she thinks her Dad had work there. She asked what we were doing, and Peter explained that I was going to present at a conference about trust. ‘Do you know what trust is?’ Peter asked her.

‘No, I don’t think so.’ she said. Peter asked ‘Do you trust me?’

She looked at him for a moment, frowned and said ‘I probably shouldn’t. I don’t know you.’ We explained that it was OK because her Mum had suggested she play a game with him.

She sat back in her seat and closed her eyes. Peter and I began talking. Then we looked over and in the book where they had been playing hangman she had written ‘Help…..help……help…….HELP….HELP. NO HELP’.

What the heck was that. My heart leapt into my throat. I remember those pleas as a child myself, when I needed help and no-one would listen. In a vain attempt I would want to reach out to anyone, a stranger, anyone who would listen. But then I didn’t know what to say. I just knew that things were not right and that I was scared in my own home.

How could we help this little girl? The announcement was made by the cabin crew that they plane was preparing to land. Peter quickly reached over and wrote in her book ‘Can I help you?’ She looked at him with eyes that were so deep and so sad, shook her head and closed her eyes.

Peter closed her book and helped her pack up her things. We sat and looked at each other. What do you do? I’ve never felt so completely helpless in all my life. Was it my place to probe? Was I just applying my own experience to her and misreading her pleas? Maybe she just didn’t want to go to Moscow and leave her friends, or maybe there was something more sinister going on.

What it has done is renewed my desire to help those in real need. To help find a solution for broken trust and fear in the home. To help educate mothers to know how to recognize the signs and then know what to do when they suspect something. To help women in abusive relationships, trust themselves enough to get out. This is where my heart is, and this is where I need to be.

Sure, we will continue to help build trust in the business world, but what is sad is that most business people don’t actually recognize that they need it. Individuals do. Mothers do. Communities and Nations do. I’ll go where I am most needed and respond to the cries for help.

Where do YOU think building and restoring trust is most needed?

Complete this short survey – I’m looking for 10,000 votes to help me dedicate my time and resources where they are most needed. Please help.

Can trust be bad for you?

On my recent trip to Russia to begin to establish Entente Foundation’s pilot Trust Program in schools there, I was confronted with an interesting comment from a Russian school student.

One of the teachers who attended my presentation in Russia last year had already begun posing the question of trust in her class, asking students to define trust and to discuss it amongst themselves and at home.

She presented to me (in Russian, translated by an interpreter in English for me!) some of the discussion points and comments from her students.

While there was a general consensus that they felt that they needed trust, they also agreed that it as not something they or their parents had spent much time considering.

What disturbed me was that one student was quoted as saying ‘I think trust is a bad thing, because when you trust people they let you down and it hurts.’

When I say it disturbed me, what bothered me was that I think this is a commonly held view, certainly from what I see with all the Google Alerts I receive about trust issues around the world. But there is an essence of truth in what this student said. Yes, people let us down when we trust them. It happens to all of us, and we all actually do it to others. That is one of the core truths about trust. The real issue is that we are blindly unaware of this, and do not have the skills to determine who we can trust and when, and how to make sense of when trust has been broken.

That is exactly what I am all about – bringing a new awareness to the power and fragile nature of trust, and taking that into schools, communities, homes and businesses, so that we can change this attitude and recognize that trust is a good thing, but it needs to be handled with care.

Thank you – ‘You are the wind beneath my wings’

I’ve just recently spent an amazing week with an amazing group of people. I am so grateful for Fusion International for inviting me to speak at their inaugural Global Transformation Conference for Entrepreneurs. I’ll actually share through my blog a number of stories that have emerged from this conference, and introduce you to some of these people I know regard as true friends and allies.

However, right now, I thought I’d share a few testimonials from these people, representing 9 countries, following my presentations on The truth about trust.


‘This course has shown me where I have derailed through my life by ripping the scars open and into the light. Thank you so much Vanessa, now I can heal my scars by the grace of God.’ Anne T

‘The only way I can describe the workshop on trust is that it made me face my weaker and darker self head on, while giving strength to my best self. In an amazing week, it was the most powerful moment for me.’ David C

‘I am touched by the process of trust, simple but profound. Thanks so much for what you have done to my life.’ Francis T

‘This has been one of the most profound and important seminars I have ever attended. It touches on the foundations of who we are, how we relate to others, how we manage our business and how we serve God. Thank you, Vanessa.’ Gordon E


I’d just like to publicly thank each and every one of the participants of the conference for restoring my faith in my work. The last few years have been an amazing journey, but it has had it share of mountains and valleys, or joy and tears. There have been times when I have almost given up, wondering how so many people can turn their back on such a fundamental issue and can ignore the amazing benefits of building and restoring trust in their own businesses, homes and communities. It turns out I’ve just been speaking to the wrong people, or at the wrong time.

While sharing my story and knowledge of trust, I was able to help just about everyone in that room, but at the same time their openness and now their desire to help me spread the message has lifted me higher and has given me new hope.

In the words of Bette Middler, you are the wind beneath my wings. Thank you, and God bless you all.

Procrastination or Protrustination

Below is a discussion that I came across on a LinkedIn Group 'Working Moms' written by Emma Grey Director at WorkLifeBliss and Director at Inspiring Writers

I'm writing a workshop about time management at the moment.

So, I Google something about beating procrastination and notice an interesting link. I read that, do a self-test about internet addiction, check email, update facebook about my time-management progress, do a quiz on which 80s song describes my life (Girls' Just Wanna Have Fun) then look through 117 photos posted by a girl I went to school with, with whom I can't be sure I ever exchanged a word in real life. I check the news and weather, take the dog for a walk as it might rain, then I read an e-newsletter my friend sent me from her work which includes the 'interesting fact of the day' that some people have the ability to read and detect colours through their hands and feet, and next thing you know I'm on a virtual goose-chase of scientific and paranormal websites about extraocular vision.

Which brings me to this post about procrastination...

My Comment:

It really depends on how you look at it, if your goal is to maintain balance in your life, stay in touch with friends, expand your knowledge and get some exercise each day, then I'd say, Emma, you were not procrastinating at all. You were, in fact, acheiving all you set out to acheive. The key is to be really clear about who we are and why we are here, what our purpose is, and then trust that every experience is moving us towards that. If you are unclear, unaccepting, or do not trust that and fight against it, then you could be procratinating and not even know it! I've met plenty of busy people with 'good jobs' who are truly procrastinating because they are unhappy and are avoiding their true calling. Maybe I should create a new term to 'protrustinate.'

BRIC embracing trust

Reading the Financial Times on my way from Germany to Kuala Lumpur, I saw a comment about BRIC, a concept by Mr. Jim O’Neill, Chief Economist at Goldman Sachs. BRIC, for those who haven’t heard of it, stands for Brazil, Russia, India and China, grouped together on the basis that they will overtake the world’s richest economies by 2050.

Interestingly, two of these countries have already opened their arms and hearts to the concept of building and restoring trust – Russia through its schools, with a number of them about to pilot our ‘Building Trust Program for Kindergarten to Year 6 next year, and China through the launch of The truth about trust in business The truth about trust in business by Oriental Press, China’s largest publishing house. Brazil and India may not be too far behind them.

While there is no doubt these countries are accumulating wealth and rapidly harnessing the power of their own resources, they are also realizing something that the western world seems too blind to see – that the true power lies in a future built on trust.