Why Marriages Fail

As this month our members explore the 7 truths about trust every couple needs to know, I was digging around looking through research as to what makes marriages work and what makes them fail. Whilst the model for trust shows you what will work and what will break down YOUR marriage or relationship, I wanted to know what the researchers and marriage experts were saying.

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers published a paper called 'Making marriages last', which I found on www.divorceform.org, and the top reasons for failure they reported were these:

1. poor communication
2. financial difficulties
3. lack of commitment
4. dramatic change in priorities
5. infidelity

They also talked about:

6. failed expectations and unmet needs
7. addictions
8. physical, sexual and emotional abuse
9. lack of conflict resolution

Probably no surprises there, really, but the bigger question is how do we resolve this? Australia has the 6th highest divorce rate in the world on a number of searches I conducted, most recent stats say that 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce in Australia. The USA and Sweden seem to share the top of the list with over 50% of marriages ending in divorce.

Interestingly, and matching what entente has found around how much women value trust, women file more divorce applications in Australia than men. We know that women care more about trust, and only 1 in 10 will deal with someone they like but do not trust.

The biggest issue as I see it is this: we do not understand the power and fragility of trust in our relationships, and how that trust dynamic really works. This is the secret that we unlock for people.

The problem with poor communication for example (and we see this exact same problem in business), is not the amount of communication but the structure and content of it. When you understand the dynamics of Expectations, Needs and Promises and where trust sits with that, the framework is set for communication that really works.

If you truly want your marriage or relationship to work, if you are struggling right now and things are not working the way you hoped they would, think about this:

1. what were you each Expecting from each other?
2. what do you Expect now?
3. what did you each Need from each other?
4 what do you each Need now?
5. what did you each Promise each other?
6. what are you prepared to Promise each other now?

This is the start point to begin to understand the trust dynamics in your relationship and to set a framework to communicate.

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Want to know more about how to give your relationship the boost it deserves?

Come to entente's 2 day workshop in Sydney on 26th and 27th May.

Email April at admin@entente.com.au for further details.