We’ve all been there. It’s that time when you are sitting across the table from your husband and he’s chewing loudly, a bit of dinner sitting in the corner of his mouth, elbows on the table and his sleeve rubbing in the mashed potato on his plate and you’re thinking ‘Please, please remind me – why did I marry you?’
It’s when your wife comes home from shopping and sneakily runs to the bedroom with a handful of bags which she then feebly attempts to hide under the bed, and it was only yesterday that you’d had the discussion about tightening the belt. Things were getting tough and the random spending had to cut back, a lot. She agreed that, yes, she really did have enough shoes, and yet you know that at least one of those bags she’s just shoved under the bed held the world’s best bargain pair of shoes, according to her. You sit down on the bed, head in your hands, and ask yourself ‘Why did I marry her?’
I just love all the stories that come up as people share the challenges in their marriages, and despite the fact that, at the time when things are tough, when you’re not sure you can make it through and you feel you are the only couple going through this, I can tell you that you are not as unique as you think you are. That’s a good thing. There is a pattern that exists in relationships, and the great news is that, when you understand what is actually happening, it is empowering and you can pull yourself through those times much quicker, with much more understanding and compassion, and with a lot less conflict and stress.
So, what’s really going on here? The first thing is to understand what is causing the frustration. Every time there is frustration and stress in any relationship it ultimately comes down to thee core things:
