Sometimes the relationship is just not meant to be

Peter, my husband, had an interesting experience the other day in talking with someone he was hoping to work with. This person (let’s call him Bill), had done some work for Peter once before and it had ended badly, breaking down the trust Peter had in Bill.

In this instance, however, Peter was prepared to give it another try and I reminded him that he needed to talk to Bill first about his ENPs – what he Expects from Bill, what he Needs from Bill and why, and to make sure Bill could make Promises to meet those. Peter did this, and also explained how fragile trust is, how it broke down before, and said that he wanted to rebuild the trust by starting again.

Before Peter could even get to the stage of finding out Bill’s Expectations and Needs, Bill began to back down on the whole idea of working together, something he was keen to do only moments before.

What happened? Because the Expectations and Needs were out there, clearly stated and Bill knew that if he did not meet those, Peter’s trust in him would break down, he wasn’t prepared to make any Promises, In fact, he said straight out that he couldn’t Promise that.

Peter and Bill decided not to go ahead with the idea of working together.

Now that is a good outcome! Why would I say that? Because, had that discussion not happened, Bill would have, once again, begun working with Peter, and would definitely have let him down, not turned up, been late, and so on – a repeat of the problems they had before, because he wasn’t prepared to change. Knowing this upfront has allowed Peter to choose someone who can Promise to meet his Expectations and Needs.

You’ve just gotta love ENPs!