Clienteer Hub

Just found our video was placed on Clienteer Hub. I have no idea how or who, but thank you! Don't you just love the internet!


The Truth About Trust is brought to you by entente - International Movement Of Trust. The message: Trust is fragile - handle it with care.http://www.clienteerhub.com/clienteering-online/videos/truth-about-trust

Trust versus Foolishness

Hmm - just came across this article about trust, written by Chris Dillow, Investors Chronicle Economist and Writer. He says there is a thin line between trusting and being a fool. What do YOU think?



http://www.ing.com/ezonomics/showdoc.jsp?left=false&docid=467720&WT.ac=twit

An Update from South Africa

Great start to my third trip to South Africa! Meeting with the CEO of Masiszane, Old Mutual's Foundation went extremely well. A quick change to their team building day next week, and they are flying me and Anne to Cape Town to present on how we might bring the truth about trust through their organisation and with their partners. Thank you, Charmaine.

Then had a great chat with MES, who will bring the truth about trust into their organisation next year, and will do some events in their community in Johannesburg for the International Day of Trust in 2011. Thanks guys!

A big thank you to Edith Venter, Events co-ordinator and well known socialite, who will work with us to make our inaugural gala dinner for the International Day of Trust South Africa a success! Very exciting to be planning for this important day and its lead up - put a note in your diary for the 3rd of May and watch this space!

Had another great day yesterday in Joburg. Met with the International Labour Organisation, a UN agency, and agreed we will look to how we might bring the truth about trust into one of their programs here in South Africa. YAY!

Wouldn't You Like a Marraige Built on Trust?

We all know that trust is the foundation on which all good marriages are built. But do we really know what trust is and how it works, how it breaks down and what we need to do to keep it?

To read Vanessa's article in the October 2010 Issue of Marriage Works Magazine, please click here.

The Truth about Trust Insight No 6:

We often don't realise that the very things that are going "wrong" in our lives, the things that we know are not at their best, are actually a direct result of trust breaking down.

In business, that could be low morale, people quitting, marketing not generating the returns we want, team conflict, poor performance, customer complaints.

In our homes that could be arguing, conflict, avoidance, abuse, frustration with our children or partner.

In our communities that could be any form of crime, increasing health issues, poor church attendance, lack of engagement in community affairs and events, problems in schools.

These are all examples of the SYMPTOMS that we deal with every day - but they are simply the symptoms. Dealing with these on their own is like putting a bandaid on a gaping and gushing wound and expecting it to heal.

What we need to do is deal with the ROOT CAUSE. And the root cause of all the frustrations and anger and disappointment in our business and personal lives is the BREAKDOWN OF TRUST.

Building and restoring trust is the only REAL solution to these issues.

Mission Australia

Mission Australia just released a report on their National Survey of Young Australians, with views from over 50,000 young people - their concerns for themselves and their country, what they value. Interestingly, family relationships and friendships were the top two things they valued, and body image, family conflict and coping with stress were their top three issues. What a great time for us to be taking the truth about trust to schools across Australia!

You can view the survey here if you like.

The Truth about Trust Insight No 5:

We really don't think about what we are relying on people and things for. We just get annoyed when they don't deliver on them. Wouldn't it be great if we could actually understand and be able to articulate and communicate how and why we are trusting someone, so then they know and can... tell us if that is a sensible thing to do or not? Watch this space.

Sheridan Voysey Interviews Vanessa on The Power of Trust

Sheridan Voysey from Hope 103.2 interviews Vanessa on 'The Power of Trust.'

The Truth about Trust Insight No 4

You actually trust people and things every day, thousands of times. When they deliver the outcome we are relying on them for, we have peace, we can get on with life. When they don't, it creates feelings of frustration, disappointment, anger. Trust is the key to a peaceful and stress free life!

The Truth about Trust Insight No 3

Trust is our ability to rely on a person (or people), on an organisation, or on products and services, to deliver an outcome to us. That is the fundamental definition of trust - when we cannot trust someone or something, we were unable to rely on them to deliver the outcome we wanted.

Servant leadership wins trust

A recent study by Sen Senjaya and Andre Pekerti has shown produced the following results: "Subordinates who perceived high servant leadership behavior in their leaders had significantly higher trust levels compared with those who perceived low servant leadership behavior in their leaders."

For more information click here.

If you would like to build trust within your organisation please click here.

The Truth about Trust Insight No 2:

The Truth about Trust Insight No 2:

Most people actually do not know what trust is, therefore have difficulty building or restoring it. If there is a focus on building trust, without a clear framework, it really is hit and miss.

Verification

Verifying Technorati: 3UFU6M29ZSR5

The Truth about Trust Insight No: 1

Thought I'd start sharing some things from 'The Truth about Trust in Business,' now approaching it's third birthday!

Here's the truth about trust insight No 1:

If 99% of people agree that trust is critical in their relationships, why is it that less than 5% actually do anything to consciously build and maintain trust? My... thought - they simply don't know how.

Telstra and a Promise worth keeping

I was flicking through the Good Weekend magazine and found an ad for Telstra supporting Legacy. Don't get me wrong - I think the fact that Telstra is out there supporting good things for the community is fantastic. I hope I can get them on board supporting the International Day of Trust, but the ad reads like this:

'A promise worth keeping' - what are they trying to say? The first thing I thought was 'Does that mean that Telstra doesn't believe that all promises are worth keeping?' Is it just me, because I'm sensitive to the whole thing about promises and their role in building or breaking trust? Or should they seriously consider changing their marketing?

Maybe they haven't read the books I sent them!

Problems with Technology

Here's just a sample of the issues I had with technology while preparing for or actually during a range of presentations in South Africa - me and technology clearly have a love/hate relationship that doesn't have a whole lot of trust!:

1. room too light so video presentations can't be played
2. microphone works during rehearsal and doesn't work as soon as I start to speak
3. clicker to change slides runs out of batteries just as I start, then cordless mic also runs out of batteries in same presentation
4. video records picture but no sound
5. Plasma screen for my video presentation is faulty and keeps turning blue then red
6. No speakers for sound
7. Speakers and projector but no-one who knows how to use them
8. Room echoing so mic of no use at all
9. Speakers provided are crackly and distorts the sound on video
10. Projector turns itself off every 5 minutes

And some people wonder why I still like to write on a flip chart during my presentations!

An update from Vanessa

Hi all!

Well, I'm back home in Sydney, Australia, after almost 2 months of travelling and spreading the truth about trust.

Here's a snapshot of what's going on in the International Movement of Trust:

Russia and Ukraine

We took a team of five, Vanessa Hall, husband Peter Draper, son Lachlan, Scott Cousins and Daniel Harris across to attend a camp in Samara, Russia, in July. The camp was run by the Kindness Foundation and throughout the camp we had the opportunity to engage with Russian children as well as to discuss and plan for the development and rollout of the Building Trust through Schools around the World Project, both for Russia and Ukraine.

Click here for more information.

South Africa

Wow! What an amazing response to the Truth about Trust tour in August. Anne lead the way, with input and assistance from Lillian and Brian to arrange an amazing 25 presentations and key meetings over three and a half weeks. Accompanied by April and Alison in the first week, the entente team produced an amazing result - a number of community projects to kick off, Monash University South Africa, Gordon Institute of Business Science, University of Potchefstrom all keen to be involved and track the impact of our work across various fields, not for profit groups wanting to become trained in trust to address major issues in society, churches wanting to roll out program in their youth programs.... The best thing to do is to watch this video.

Click here for more information.

Nepal and Jamaica

Dhiraj and Silpa Shrestha in Nepal and David Campbell and Wayne Gallimore in Jamaica are currently completing their training in the Truth about Trust and are also looking at bringing the concepts into their countries. Discussions are in the early days, so watch this space!

Trust Reponse Teams

Had our first meeting to kick off entente's first Trust Response Team in Sydney. We're formulating exactly how these teams will work so we can then get more of you involved, but it's a great way to give something back by helping others understand why their trust was broken, and what to do to restore trust in themselves... and in those around them. So excited about this one!

Australia's first female Prime Minister

My thoughts on Australia's first Female Prime Minister and what happened to Kevin Rudd: I think Kevin Rudd has a few too many broken promises that left everyone wondering if they could trust him any more. He was not meeting basic needs for safety and also esteem as he yelled, ranted and raved at his party, his staff, a...nd anyone else who was around when he lost his temper (appears that was happening a bit of late), and loads of unmet expectations. Julia Gillard, on the other hand, was careful what she promised (although she did make a big one about being out of debt by 2013), and she managed expectations by clearly saying there will be times when we love her, and there will be times when she disappoints us. So far, so good. I think it's about time we had a shot at a woman at the top. Fingers crossed she'll maintain the qualities of a trustworthy person, continue to manage expectations, meet needs and keep her promises. I think she can do it.

Why Marriages Fail

As this month our members explore the 7 truths about trust every couple needs to know, I was digging around looking through research as to what makes marriages work and what makes them fail. Whilst the model for trust shows you what will work and what will break down YOUR marriage or relationship, I wanted to know what the researchers and marriage experts were saying.

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers published a paper called 'Making marriages last', which I found on www.divorceform.org, and the top reasons for failure they reported were these:

1. poor communication
2. financial difficulties
3. lack of commitment
4. dramatic change in priorities
5. infidelity

They also talked about:

6. failed expectations and unmet needs
7. addictions
8. physical, sexual and emotional abuse
9. lack of conflict resolution

Probably no surprises there, really, but the bigger question is how do we resolve this? Australia has the 6th highest divorce rate in the world on a number of searches I conducted, most recent stats say that 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce in Australia. The USA and Sweden seem to share the top of the list with over 50% of marriages ending in divorce.

Interestingly, and matching what entente has found around how much women value trust, women file more divorce applications in Australia than men. We know that women care more about trust, and only 1 in 10 will deal with someone they like but do not trust.

The biggest issue as I see it is this: we do not understand the power and fragility of trust in our relationships, and how that trust dynamic really works. This is the secret that we unlock for people.

The problem with poor communication for example (and we see this exact same problem in business), is not the amount of communication but the structure and content of it. When you understand the dynamics of Expectations, Needs and Promises and where trust sits with that, the framework is set for communication that really works.

If you truly want your marriage or relationship to work, if you are struggling right now and things are not working the way you hoped they would, think about this:

1. what were you each Expecting from each other?
2. what do you Expect now?
3. what did you each Need from each other?
4 what do you each Need now?
5. what did you each Promise each other?
6. what are you prepared to Promise each other now?

This is the start point to begin to understand the trust dynamics in your relationship and to set a framework to communicate.

----------------------------------------------------

Want to know more about how to give your relationship the boost it deserves?

Come to entente's 2 day workshop in Sydney on 26th and 27th May.

Email April at admin@entente.com.au for further details.

Calling all successful businesswomen who just can't get relationships right

You know who you are. You climbed the corporate ladder. You are the envy of your friends because you've made it in your career. You might have even taken the plunge and gone out on your own. Business has it's challenges but you've done it.


The problem - your personal life sucks! You go in and out of relationships. Mr Right very quickly turns out to be Mr Soooo Wrong! You seem to attract idiots and sleezebags. You just don't get it. How
can one part of your life be so great and the other so crap???


You need to understand the dynamics of your ENPs. What is actually going on is revealed when you realise your negative Expectations, your Needs and the Promises they make to you are all at play here. When you get this, you can become as successful in your relationships as you are in your career.


Now that's worth aspiring to. Are you up for the challenge?


Vanessa Hall



---------------------


The truth about trust workshop in Sydney 14 - 16 May for women in business who want to learn how to trust themselves more, want much better relationships, want to learn how to make better decisions about relationships, and want better results, retention and relationships in their business. This is for you! Call April on 02 8889 0888 or email at admin@entente.com.au to reserve your place.

A courageous man

Sigma CEO, Elmo de Alwis, resigned because he wanted to take responsibility for 'not doing what we said we would do'. He reported to Khia Mercer and Nabila Ahmed of the Australian Financial Review on Friday 16th April "The thing about leadership is that you have to take responsibility, you can't pass it on to somebody else".

What a refreshing change to the complete lack of trusted leadership we have seen over the last 2 years. Although Sigma has been experiencing issues and there have been changes in industry conditions and pharmaceutical benefits scheme reform, this CEO was prepared to fall on his sword to allow a 'fresh set of eyes' in the leadership of the company.

Being truly trustworthy is not for the weak or fainthearted, it takes guts, but what I love is that he recognised that there must be a consequence to breaking down the trust of others. The ultimate consequence was him stepping down.

Are you prepared to do what it takes to be a trustworthy leader?

Complaints when trust breaks down

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/02/12/2817499.htm?section=justin

One of the interesting things I observe is the flow on effects of a breakdown of trust. I’ve spoken about this domino effect previously.

I was reflecting on this as I read Kristina Keneally’s comments in response to the Independent Commission against Corruption investigation into allegations against MP Ms Paluzzano.

When someone lodges a complaint against someone else, in any kind of format, whether as a customer, as an employee, as a constituent, as a tenant, whatever position they are in, that complaint is a direct response to a breakdown of trust. Something they Expected or Needed, and/or something that was Promised to them has not happened. Especially when Promises made have been explicitly stated, most of us say something, we complain, we jump up and down. We are ‘not happy Jan!’ This is a natural response.

However, if that breakdown of trust was significant, if it cut to core Needs, then the noises that we make can often be loud and clear. We want everyone to know that we are hurting and that something should be done about it.

How those complaints and noises are responded to requires careful consideration. Emotions are running high. People are angry. But the full story needs to be uncovered – is the issue being reported and complained about the actual issue, or is there something else going on here that has caused that breakdown of trust.

I agree with Premier Keneally. Investigations need to continue to ensure the validity of the accusations. But any hint of them being true requires swift action in order to maintain trust in the system, and for the Premier to maintain the trust that has been given to her. And that goes for anyone dealing with ay kind of issue. Be careful in your investigations, but if there is a real problem there, deal with it quickly or you lose the trust others have in you faster than you can blink.

Do you share our worldwide view?

Taking Seth Godin's advice (I love this guy - he is so on the money), we are finding those who share our worldview. It has been difficult for us. Let's face it, trust is everywhere and affects everyone.

But there is a small but powerful group of people who actually get the significance of trust and how it plays out in every aspect of their life. A small group who know that the time for trust is now. That it's a case of 'enough already', how long can we continue to let each other down, hurt each other, disappoint the very people we love and want a relationship with, break the promises we make and drive people away.

Whether you are wondering why your customers keep complaining, why your staff don't really care about you or your business, why your shareholders are so touchy, or why your last relationship fell apart, why your teenager doesn't talk to you anymore, or why violence still exists, why crime rates, divorce rates, depression rates are still as high as they are, why two cultures continue to collide, why nations cannot agree on positive action to a common cause - you share our worldview, and we need you!

Help us. Invite people you know who share this view to join my facebook group. Volunteer with us. Sponsor our foundation. Buy a book so proceeds can help fund our work. Tell me what you think.

Meeting the Needs of Others

My son Lachlan is very driven by the need for Safety and Security. As long as he feels safe, he’s happy, confident, and at peace with himself and the world around him.

If at any time he does not feel safe, he becomes difficult, nagging, he loses confidence in himself, and is generally not very nice to be around.

Let me give you an example of how this plays out. Lachlan dances 4 days a week for The Edge. I do most of the driving back and forth to get him there (Peter does some too – thank you sweetie!).

Lachlan needs to get there early. I like to get him there on time. I mean, we drive up to the door at exactly the time he is meant to be there – it’s how I operate, I run everything to the wire, BUT he is NEVER late. He is ALWAYS on time. There are times when I can’t understand why he is freaking out, calling me, sms-ing me and hassling me about hurrying up to pick him up from home to get him to dance when I know exactly how long we need to get him there on time.

What I occasionally forget, and have just reminded myself, is the importance of meeting the Needs of others. It’s one of the key things I teach about building trusting relationships. Find out what the underlying Needs are for the people you want trusting relationships with. Find out what the important ones are, the drivers, and meet those Needs for them.

For Lachlan, I know his driving Need is Safety and Security. He feels safe when he arrives 15 minutes early for a class, not right on time. If I want a calm, loving and trusting relationship with him, I need to meet that for him.

This week he was 15 minutes early for dance. He’s happy, and so am I.

Can you forgive and still not trust?

I was reading a blog post called Unforgiving and Unforgivable which was exploring the concept that men are more unforgiving than women. It poses the observation that in the event of infidelity or betrayal, a man would end the relationship, but those same men expect forgiveness if they were the ones who committed the offence.

What I have found interesting myself in exploring the whole concept of trust and forgiveness is this:

1. Women care more about trust than men
2. You can forgive someone and still not trust them. Women tend to do this more than men. Just because she has ‘forgiven’ you does not mean she trust you.
3. Men and women will move on from a relationship only when they believe their Needs will be met elsewhere. Men are more confident that they can find other ways to do this. Women will stay in a relationship that is ‘bad for them’ because, in some way, it is meeting a core Need for them (e.g. the relationship may be meeting their financial needs and they do not believe they can meet those themselves.)
4. A breakdown in trust is the biggest killer to relationships

Women care more about trust than men

It’s true, and it came out loud and clear in a survey entente conducted with over 600 people.

If you had 20 women customers, and you did something to break down their trust in you, even if they liked you as a salesperson or customer service person, 19 of them would not deal with you again!

If you had the same situation but 20 men, 16 of them would not deal with you. That’s still terrible, but seriously, if your customer base is women and you do not have a program in place to ensure everyone in your business knows what trust is and how to protect the trust of your customers, you have missed the biggest risk to your business.

Likewise for your female staff, your female business partners, investors, and every other stakeholder group in your business.

And of course, the same thing applies in your personal relationships.

Men, listen up! If you want a happy wife, daughter, female employee, customer, or shareholder, you need to know the truth about trust!

Sometimes the relationship is just not meant to be

Peter, my husband, had an interesting experience the other day in talking with someone he was hoping to work with. This person (let’s call him Bill), had done some work for Peter once before and it had ended badly, breaking down the trust Peter had in Bill.

In this instance, however, Peter was prepared to give it another try and I reminded him that he needed to talk to Bill first about his ENPs – what he Expects from Bill, what he Needs from Bill and why, and to make sure Bill could make Promises to meet those. Peter did this, and also explained how fragile trust is, how it broke down before, and said that he wanted to rebuild the trust by starting again.

Before Peter could even get to the stage of finding out Bill’s Expectations and Needs, Bill began to back down on the whole idea of working together, something he was keen to do only moments before.

What happened? Because the Expectations and Needs were out there, clearly stated and Bill knew that if he did not meet those, Peter’s trust in him would break down, he wasn’t prepared to make any Promises, In fact, he said straight out that he couldn’t Promise that.

Peter and Bill decided not to go ahead with the idea of working together.

Now that is a good outcome! Why would I say that? Because, had that discussion not happened, Bill would have, once again, begun working with Peter, and would definitely have let him down, not turned up, been late, and so on – a repeat of the problems they had before, because he wasn’t prepared to change. Knowing this upfront has allowed Peter to choose someone who can Promise to meet his Expectations and Needs.

You’ve just gotta love ENPs!